Blog: My upcoming life as a Spoogler

Big-fat-me Attitude

It’s coming close. Half of our belongings are packed, jobs terminated and more and more social obligations are ending. In three months I’ll be moving to Zürich, Switzerland since my partner will start working for Google.

Though I’m really looking forward to the challenge of starting (again) a life abroad, I’m having great difficulties to fulfill daily routines. It feels like my brain is suffering a major memory leak, slowing down all other processes. Yesterday, my partner noticed the same problem, sighing: “At least I can cut out the world, by coding.”

Still wondering why it is so hard to keep going, I was listening to the radio. The Committee on Safety, called “Stiekem”, which more or less translates to “secretly” had gathered. One of the party leaders is intending to address Parliament, since two disturbing facts came up during the meeting. He won’t be able to give even a hint on the topics. This is forbidden by law and would be regarded as treason. Just wondering how on earth he will be addressing Parliament.

A demonstration is announced against the ongoing cuts in healthcare, the Prime Minister is giving a talk on “The big-fat-me attitude”. An indescribable contrast to the hundreds of thousands of people putting everything on the line to find a safe haven for their families. Voices are heard that our country is too crowded already and our own people can’t deal with the consequences of the recession. So far on the big-fat-me attitude.

It is then, that I realize the two culprits of my memory leak. First, I would like to make the difference. With the short time left, here in the Netherlands, this goal seems to be unachievable. Secondly, it’s not my kids flying out, but rather the other way around. Mommy is leaving her nest. The kids, four of them and all adults, still treat me as an omniscient fairy godmother.

“Mom, can you send me my book on didactics, I forgot to bring it”, my youngest daughter. The book was actually called “Teaching foreign languages”, but hey that’s a minor detail. My son: “Can you help me with the preparation for my examination?” He ‘s an upcoming air force officer. Of course this should be a piece of cake, even though I’ve studied chemistry. Moms know it all.  The second daughter: “Do you think I can drink a glass or two? I’m still on my antibiotics.” I answer with a circumspective no, wandering if there is a question behind the question. Note, she has a masters degree and is highly connected.

My hesitation to answer all their questions straightforward, is because most of the time they don’t need their questions to be solved. I’m their safe haven. Like for instance yesterday evening. My youngest phones in the middle of the night. Her partner, a marine, is stationed in the Caribbean and she decided to join him. “Mom”, with a slight panic, “I’m alone for the coming days. There’s been a hurricane on one of the Islands. They’ve been sent on a humanitarian mission.” We chit chat for a little while and she eases down. There is no instant remedy, I can’t stick a plaster or hold her for little while. Soon this‘ll be the same for the other three kids. And here is the point, they’re not leaving, I’m leaving. I’m following the love of my life, who’s biggest wish came true; working for Google. I’m absolutely certain I’ll find my way in a country with a stunningly beautiful nature. I’ll grab the opportunity with both hands, but feel the burden of leaving my kids behind. “Dear children, I’ll miss you all! Please understand my little-fat-me attitude.”